(sit down. sigh. adjust.)
So I'm sorry for this emo moment but between work, my relationship and trying to finish up grad school... I've been doing a lot of thinking and planning. Its frustrating. It's useless. So I'm just writing out my thoughts and trying to answer my own questions.
(strike fire. light. puff.)
What is the price of success?
Well it depends on how you define things, so lets us define things. Label, so we can understand. Do the math correctly.
Price: value measured by what must be given or done or undergone to obtain something
Success: an event that accomplishes its intended purpose
(wave. order one.)
Well I'm realizing that this thing that must be given actually doesn't have to be given by the person reaping the reward of the event that must be accomplish. You can have success without paying for it. You can pay for it and not reap success.
So now I'm asking myself... what do I want to be successful at and can I afford it? Do I even have to pay for it?
(pick up. sip. thank you.)
Now, lets review my Personal Mission Statement developed in Palmer's life class titled, "Producing Environmental Films." Maybe my list of short term (5yr), long term (20 yr) and life goals will reveal something.
The top five from all three list in no particular order.
Visit outer space
Own a yellow Corvette
Build a boat
Buy a car
Create a large college education grant
Travel around the world
Create my own Anime series
Produce a full length feature film that is screen nationally in theaters
Finish paying off Student Loans
Travel to more then 3 European countries
Buy a home
Start my own investment portfolio
Get a tattoo
Sponsor children (at least 2)
Graduate from Grad School
(puff.)
So what do I need to do to accomplish half of these? What is the price of success and can I afford it? What can I accomplish in the next 15 years?
Well I don't know. I mean, 15 years ago the 10 year old me had no idea what the 25 year old me would be doing! At that age I wanted to live in the Caribbean and raise sea turtles and I still dream about it. At that age you know nothing. At this age you still know nothing.
What I understand is heavily based off of what people have told me, what I have read in books and have seen on TV. Its all "oh that looks like fun, I want to do that." BUT none of it is based on true understanding of the facts. The reality of the situation.
I feel like I went grocery shopping and threw a bunch of nice tasty things into my cart, but when I got to the register the total was so much higher then I anticipated. The price tags were wrong. Very wrong.
I look at my life now and though it may seem to be a success, I'm not sure how I got here. I didn't really put in 110%. I wasted a lot of time and did enough to get by. So what is wrong with the picture? Why did they tell me to work hard and dream big if the destination isn't the what you thought it was? Why are the prices not clearly written next to the product? Is it because its a different price for every person though we all act like its the same for everyone?! That doesn't make any sense. Who wrote these rules? AUGH!!!!
(puff. puff. out.)
I guess its life. You reap what you sow... well sometimes.
(sip.)
These days, I'm really two feet closer to no longer giving a damn and sticking strictly to only the things that make me and my family happy. Food, music, traveling, late night TV, cereal, sunny warm days, tshirts and laughter. Screw the rest. They can have their money. I'll earn enough to give them what I can. It will be less then what I owe so deal with it. I don't care, it's better then nothing. Take what you can before it runs out.
(gulp. its burns.)
At some point, the money will be gone and the time will run out. We'll all end up in the same place. Forgotten by the next. I guess its not the destination that matters, but the journey and who you ride with. It's the now. Not the past or the future. One is a fading memory and the other we really don't have control over. Do I want to be a planner? Do I want to be a schemer? Do I have to be a planner? Do I have to be a schemer?
I think the answer is yes... or I can't have any expectations.
Expectation: the condition of looking forward to something
(tip. get up. exit.)
